I was having trouble figuring out what I should do with my hard-on this week. I mean, I haven't seen any good movies lately, there are no albums coming out, and I can't give my hard-on to Street Fighter again.
But then I sat down and started talking to myself, as I often do in stories. "Self, what really matters to me, self? Is it really just movies, music and the occasional hadoken? No, self. That's not right at all, self." And that's when it came to me. This week, I will be delivering my hard-on to egg nog.
How can I give your hard-on to a liquid, you may ask? Half-price after the holidays. That's how. I'm on my fourth carton today!